a big ol' mystery ...

That's what I am.

Those were my doctor's parting words this morning {after a two hour appointment!}. Not super encouraging.

Be warned: this post may be long, over-informative, and a jumbled mess of thoughts.

Do I have MS? Not at this time. Quote: "I don't think that you fulfill diagnostic criteria for definite multiple sclerosis. I recommend that you undergo a repeat brain MRI in 6 months to look for signs of multiple sclerosis."

He gave me an awesome print out of his notes ... along with an email address! He was a great doc and I feel confident with his care.

He's going to contact Mayo for the MRI they did and review it. He even said, "it's not like I'm going to find something they missed, but I'd like to take a look and see what they did exactly."

There's a certain MRI of the thoracic spinal cord that he's interested in. If they didn't do it up there, he'd like to do it here. There is a lesion that could show up in that area, that would definitely cause the symptoms I'm having.

I've also got a bladder 'thing' that I didn't really realize was an issue.

Okay, and then say they did in fact do an MRI of that particular area and it comes up clean ... there's a possibility I could have something called 'autonomic neuropathy.' There's a super strange 3 hour test that can be done, but he doesn't want to do it at this point. {oh! and no spinal tap or anything else at this point}.

He did a bunch of blood work to test for some other possible things and will let me know if he finds anything out.

So ... overall? So glad there is no MS diagnosis. Overall? Frustrated that "I'm a mystery."

I think as women {and maybe I'm only speaking for myself here}, we tend to 'put up' with our symptoms and deal with them. Always feeling a bit 'blown off' by doctors. I can't tell you how many times doctors {including ER docs} have told me, "You're stressed. You're tired. You have a new baby. You have a business. Try to get some rest." Blah!!

When talking to my neurologist at my recent appointment, I told her because I'm used to being blown off, I'm apprehensive to list off every symptom I've been having ... now and in the past, that could be relative to what I'm going through right now.

Her reply was awesome! She completely agrees and even lectures to that fact. She says men hate her lectures and women applaud her. If a man were to walk in the ER with some of the symptoms I have, or women have ... they'd immediately be hooked up to EKG's, tested, etc., etc. But we women, are told we're stressed.

I think it sucks. And it also makes me not want to admit to anything going on. Does that make sense?

Blah.

Again ... I'm super, super happy things look good right now {honestly, praise God and thank you for all your prayers!!}. But just frustrated that I know I feel something going on and not being able to get to the bottom of it.

I do trust God has this in his hands, with his timing, and his diagnosis. I will 'give it to him.'

And in the meantime, I am going to get my butt moving. I am motivated to start moving. Jenny, your twitter helped me with that today! I need to 'healthy' up my life ... not to mention that triathlon will be here before I know it!!

And after all that ranting, I should reiterate, I'm very confident in the care that I'm receiving and the doctors I'm seeing. They haven't blown me off and seem very interested in getting to the bottom of everything for me.

I am blessed. {sometimes I just need to let off a little steam ...}

new photos & some randomness

Happy Sunday lovelies!

I've finally finished weeding through our recent Exuma photos ... I tried to narrow them down, as not to bore you! :) You can find them here. It was the first time I busted out my new camera and I had a great time with it ... bum-eye and all. Thank you again Curt, for such an awesome present!

So ... we're in Arizona for the petrified rock show. Gems, stones, geodes, crystals. It's absolutely amazing ... not only the the beauty of the stones, but just the sheer magnitude of the 'show.' It's set up all over the city, in different warehouses and hotels. You literally walk through the hotels and peoples rooms are converted to 'stores.' The show runs for three weeks, so these people are sleeping in their hotel rooms and living out of their suitcases for that long. And the rest of the year, for a lot of them, is spent digging and excavating for these stones ... amazing!

On a down note ... the dino poop is sold out. Such disappointment! Never fear though ... we've placed an order for some, and hope to have it in a few weeks. Just not the same as coming home with a bag of petrified poop!

Curt's mom comes out here every year. And since our girls love going to her house and coming home with petrified treasures, we decided to come along this year. His brother and sister are here as well, with a couple of their kids ... so the girls are having a blast playing with their cousins.

We'll be headed home this afternoon ... probably a good thing as all three girls are pretty sick. Poor Huntie threw up most of the plane ride here, and then again in the car to the hotel and we just can't seem to get her fever to go away. Wynter's nose has been bleeding on and off and she's just plain sick and now Piper has started with her awful cough again. Yuck!

Lastly, just wanted to ask for prayers for me. I have my appointment with the MS specialist at 8:00 tomorrow morning. I have an unbelievable amount of peace surrounding the situation ... mostly I'm just anxious to find an answer. Thank you, thank you for the prayers you've already surrounded me with!

God's blessings to you all!

update

Just got done at my appointment with my neurologist and a few have asked, so thought I'd do a quick post {early lunch Nellie! :)}.

I started keeping track of anything that's been going on with me that may be considered a 'symptom' ... so went through that list with her.

A couple of things have been, my legs giving out on me, night sweats {yuck!}, and then the hand tremors {guys, I only drink a half cup of coffee in the morning, I failed to mention that in my last post}. I've got an appointment with an MS specialist at Froedtert on Monday, and he'll really be the one to tell me more.

Dr. Purath {my neurologist} said he's spent two years researching MS ... so if he ends up saying I don't have it, then we can put it to bed. Needless to say, I'm pretty anxious for that appointment.

Overall, I'm really not sure what to make of my appointment today. I did the whole "close your eyes and touch your nose with your index finger test." Right finger ... landed on my nose. Left finger ... landed on my cheek. I started crying.

My motor skills aren't normal on my left side and I still have decreased sensation on my left side.

Anyway, my doctor's been an absolute blessing to me and I'm thankful she's on my side. She said the specialist will order a variety of tests, one most likely being a spinal tap. I'm not sure I even want to know what that involves?

I'm feeling a little nervous about all of this. But I'm still not freaking out. I have given it to Him and will continue to do so ... I know he has a plan for me, and I rest trusting in that fact.

new development ...

I'm struggling a bit with posting this ... evident by the fact that I'm sitting here with only that written for the last five minutes and I don't know what else to write.

I have a new 'symptom' if you will.  I don't want to be all dramatic about it, and it could possibly be nothing.  I haven't said anything to anyone about it and hoped it would just go away.

But this morning, I mentioned it to Nellie ... she has a friend with MS, so I was asking her some questions trying to get more info on what kind of 'symptoms' MS patients have.  And then I told her what I've been experiencing for the last week or so.

My hands just get really shaky, especially if I'm nervous or excited about something.  She did a bit of research and found an article about MS related tremors.

I decided to contact my doctor about my latest development and she moved my appointment up 3 weeks and I'll be seeing her early this Thursday morning.  She also contacted an MS specialist at Frodert and I'll be seeing them as well.  She just really wants to make sure everything is okay.

The reason I'm struggling with posting this ... I don't want to seem all dramatic about it.  It really could be nothing.  I'm exhausted ... with a capital E!!  Could have something to do with that, could just be too much caffeine.

Ultimately, I decided to post because I'd like to ask for prayer.  Prayer for continued peace, prayer that the tremors are from too much caffeine, prayer that the Lord covers me with his healing power, prayer that my vision returns fully {and quickly while we're at it!}.

I'll keep you posted ...

randomness thursday

I got a whole lotta randomness floatin' around my head this morning!  First ... do you love this?  Does it evoke anything in you?  I love when a picture, or words speak to me.  This old man, this old woman ... holding hands ... laughing.  Will I have joy like this when I'm older?  More importantly, will I have joy like this with the man I love?

And ooooo how I do love the man I love!  He's been in Japan since last Friday.  The girls miss him and I miss him.  Isn't it funny {totally not haha funny}, how we miss them more and appreciate them more when they're gone?

I suppose the one good thing is that I get no computer time when he's gone!  The reason that's good, is that I have a love | hate relationship with my computer.  I love it to pieces ... but I hate that I love it so much!

Anyway, he gets home tonight and you better believe hugs and kisses will abound!  The man gets smothered by his women when he walks in the door after being away.  Hmmm, maybe that's why he leaves so frequently?  We seem to pay no attention to him when he's around ... :)

Okay, and I also wanted to give you an 'eye update.'  I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist on Tuesday.  I thought I'd have to have my eyes dilated, but didn't need to ... thank you Lord!  I have really come to hate having my eyes dilated!  My mom went with to drive, but with her broken wrist and all, I drove there and then was able to drive back.  And the bonus was some extra mommy | daughter time!

Okay so the update.

That man loves to talk about MS!  Oh my word!  I think if he were the only one treating me, he'd have me start a preventative care program.  So, I'm pretty glad he's not the only one treating me!

He gave me lots of interesting information though, and I'm thankful for that.  Seems with optic neuritis, some of the nerves in your eye die.  So I'll go back in three months for a test to see just how many have died off.  In patients with MS, those nerves continue to die.  At a very slow and unnoticeable rate, but they die nonetheless.

So what we'll do is repeat that test periodically throughout my life {?} to see if MS is developing.

Otherwise everything is progressing nicely.  My vision is slowly returning.  I'd say I have about 90% of it back.  It could take up to a couple more weeks or so.  The {very limited} research I've done says it could take up to 6 months to be fully restored.

My doc says it'll never be the way it was.  Even when it returns to 20/20, I'll always 'know' something is 'off' with my vision.  Sigh ...

Oh!  And a report from my neurologist ... she's going to have me do another MRI in 3 months.  And I'll be seeing her in a few weeks from now.  What I love about her is that she is way, super, overly cautious {she calls herself anal-retentive}, but she's not overly diagnostic.  And while she is happy with the Mayo report, she doesn't want to ignore the MRI's that were done here {Mayo didn't look at them}, and she doesn't want to ignore the fact that I have decreased sensation in my left side.

And while she is sure there is nothing to be concerned about {and I am at total peace with that}, she doesn't want to wait 12 months {Mayo's recommendation} to have me seen again.  I guess I'm in her court ... I'd definitely rather be overly cautious!

My chipmunk cheeks are finally getting back to normal!  Woo-hoo!  And the steroids have left my body and I'm feeling close to myself again!

Other randomness includes the fact that yesterday was my first day back at work in a few weeks.  I get this mixed bag while being there.  I love it, love what I created ... and at the same time ... I so want to be done!

To that end ... we have someone who {we've been told} is putting together an offer.  YAY!  Right?  And there are two other people who have expressed serious interest.  So if this offer falls through, the broker feels confident the others {or maybe they would anyways} will be putting offers together.  We'll see.

I took forever for me to 'give' this situation to God.  When I finally did ... three very interested candidates show up.  God is good ... all the time!

Well ... I gotta get my bootie off this computer ... we are going to be way late this morning!

and she's down ...

Ever pass out while getting an IV?  I can now add it to my list of accomplishments!

 Miss new nurse is searching around for a good vein {needle is inside of my arm, mind you}, when I start feeling lightheaded and dizzy ... last thing I remember is spotting a bottle of cleaning product from JohnsonDiversey and thinking how 'funny' it was to see it sitting there.

 Next thing I know, legs in the air ... cold pack on my forehead and veteran nurse volunteers to take over ... ya think?

 I had an MRI ordered this morning of my brain and spine, and needed an IV for that.  Yuck!

 Just met with the specialist and basically everything looks good!  Without any clear brain lesions, she feels its {MS} really is just a waiting 'thing' to see if any symptoms present themselves again.  She also ordered additional blood work to rule out some other things that could develop, and assuming all is okay there ... then I'm good to go!

 One final stop with my doc, who just read the MRI results and all is absolutely clear.  Praise God!!

I'll continue to have follow up MRI's and just trust the Lord has it in his hands!

too funny

I just got an email featuring some Valentine's Day cards from one of the designers I carry at the store and thought this particular card was a little too coincidental!

I think I'm gonna get it ...

update from mayo

Howdy!  I'm back in the hotel room between appointments and thought I'd post a quick update.

Just routine stuff today and a meeting with my doctor up here, who I love!  Only thing that came back odd so far is my white blood cell counts are highly elevated.  Could mean an infection somewhere, or just a reaction to the steroids.

She can hear the trouble I'm having in my lungs, breathing and talking ... so ordered a chest xray.  I won't have those results for a while, but my lungs sounded clear in the exam so she was encouraged by that.  This is all a result of the steroid effect.

And the bad news there, is that I'm on my 'taper off' starting today and should've been done taking them tomorrow.  But she thinks that's way too rapid a taper and my body could go into further shock and not work on producing it's own steroid.  So it seems the bad news is I may be on the oral dose a while longer.

Anyway.

I have an appointment soon with an ophthalmologist and will be done for the day.  Tomorrow I have a followup appointment with my doc and then the appointment with the MS specialist early afternoon.

Any good news here?  You bet!  I'm super excited to be heading to the lake tomorrow afternoon when we leave here for some much needed 'girlfriend' time!

we christen thee ... starfish beach

We found the mother lode!  Is this not a perfect picture of two little girls that spend every waking hour exploring?

Starfish, lizard training, moth catching ... oh my!

We had a great time.  Great ... doesn't even describe it really.  Peaceful, relaxing, soul-filling joy ... that's a little better.

I have good news!  The vision in my left eye is slowly starting to return!  Praise God!  I still have a 'black band' of vision that's gone.  Only way I can describe it, is there's a single line of black vision that I don't have.  Much like if your sunglasses were constantly dirty.  But the vision around that 'line' is starting to get clearer.  It's not as fuzzy as it used to be and clearer than it has been in a couple of weeks.

I'm still trying to get my strength back.  Again, much stronger than I've been in a week ... but oh my word the kids thought there was something seriously wrong with me after I was chasing them on the beach yesterday ... mama gettin' old!  My voice isn't back to normal quite yet and I'm having an awful time sleeping.  But only 4 more days of the oral steroid left to go ... yay!

I'm spending the day with Hunter today and then Curt and I leave tonight for Mayo {with is his mom :)}.  Will keep you posted as I find anything out.

Wishing you today's most awesomest blessings!

Oh!  And in case any of you saw my recent 'tweet' ... the baby was up around 3 this morning, Curt came in to take over so I crawled back into bed but was up around 5:30.  I came out and saw the family room TV was on {Max & Ruby, so knew it was Hunter} and went to take a peek, but she wasn't there.  I figured she was up with Curt in his office, so I came to my office.

He came by a bit later and looked toward my sofa for the baby.  I said I didn't have her.  He didn't have her either.  Hmmmm ... how do you lose a baby?

We go looking for her ... it's 5:30 a.m. mind you ... found out she had gone into the big girls room and crawled into bed with Piper and woke her up.  Then she crawled into bed with Wynter and woke her up.

We're talking steep bunkbed ladders folks ... there's a reason she's still sleeping in her crib!

Curt finally found her with her body half-way out of a large stuffed animal basket.  Sigh ...

Huntie is one sick baby, poor thing's been fighting this for the last couple of days ... I'm taking her into the doc this morning, hopefully for some good meds to cure what ails her.  The girls are all comfortably snuggled in watching Tinkerbell right now.

I do. not. want. to get this day started ... E-X-U-M-A where are you??!??!!!

outdoor showers ...

Here we come!

Diaper wipes, check! More than two shirts for baby, check! Sunscreen, check! New camera, check!  Swimsuits, check!

Vision, check! It's still low light out, but I'm pretty sure I have a tad bit of my vision back!  :)

Praise God!

and the doctor says ...

We just got back from the appointment with my neurologist.  We were feeling very relieved, as she thinks the 'ditzel' on my MRI is just that ... a ditzel {definition for ditzel anyone?}.  And that the optic neuritis is an isolated case for now.

Given everything, I should have another MRI {with contrast} done, but with all the steroids they've just pumped into me ... my insides are basically sterile {good thing I'm not in the baby market!} and any living infection, cell, matter, dust bunny, or hearsay has been killed.

She went over the scans with us ... we felt great with her recommendation and agreed to have another MRI done in about threeish months when the steroids are out of my system.

Speaking of the steroids ... she can not believe I wasn't admitted to the hospital given my reactions.  Really?!?  Cuz I was screaming out for help here.  I have no other way to describe what happened than that my insides were absolutely rotted out.

I've gotten some strength back in my voice and now the only way I can describe what is happening, is that I'm now coughing up all of the stuff that was killed off inside me.  I am feeling better and a bit stronger, and that is great news!!  I should continue on this path.

As for my vision, it hasn't come back yet.  The ophthalmologist said it could take 2-4 more weeks for vision recovery.  Curt was freaked out looking at one of my vision tests and seeing {little pun there ...} how I absolutely can't see out of my left eye.

Funny what you take for granted ...

Okay, back to my appointment today.  So we're all set to walk away and schedule another MRI and go from there.  No worries.

'Til she does an examine.  I was scared.  First she had me do a simple 'touch your finger to your nose' test.  I felt my hesitancy.  I made it ... but it was slow.  She had me do it again.  No problems on the right side.  The left, painfully uncoordinated.

Then she had me put my forefingers and thumbs together {each hand separately, form a circle} and tap them in rapid succession.  My left was much slower than my right.

Then she took a stick and poked me.  Right side?  "Ouch"  Left side?  Barely feel it.

So she's done and sits across from me.  "I'm really concerned," she says.

Curt and I are headed to Mayo next week for routine physicals.  Timing, huh?  Anyway, she knew we were headed up there and that we had planned to have a neurologist look at my scans to give us another opinion.  She thought it was a great idea, as second opinions are always good to have ... but now she's very interested ... and concerned.

Did I mention, she's a pillar-of-strength, every-thing's-okay, don't-be-overly-worried, no-need-to-freak-out-unless-I-freak-out kind of doctor?

And now she's concerned ...

She wants me to see a neurologist that specializes in MS.

And that's where I'm at right now.  As you know, I pretty much dig typing on this blog ... so I'll be sure to keep you updated when I find out more information.

Right now, I'm off to finish packing up some kids for a vaca down south ... must remember baby wipes!

And Traci?  Big kick out of your comment!  You understand don't you?  If that thing is still in the box ... you know I'm sick!  :)

who took the cookie ...

From the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

Thanks mom and dad for the yummy cookie bouquet ... one of my weaknesses! Please no more cookies though ... I've got the roundest, most swollen face from these steroids. My eyes feel like little slits and I don't think cookies are helping my look!

One good thing ... with my skin stretching out, my complexion looks fabulous! If I do say so myself ... :)

And one last exciting bit of news ... my new camera finally arrived. It was a late Christmas present from hubby! Can't wait for my bum-eye to get better so I can dive into it.

I. can. not. believe it's still in the box. :(

yet another update ...

I haven't posted a photo in a while, and text can get awfully boring!!  This pic is from our spring break last March in Exuma.  Taylor often 'complains' the little girls don't like her, and I love using this photo as proof, that when she is nice to them ... they love her tons!

The girls have off of school next Monday, so we're leaving this weekend for Exuma, and I absolutely can't wait!

Okay ... now for an update.  I can't see the screen very well, as my eyes are still a tad dilated.  And Taylor's waiting to watch a movie with me.  Well ... actually, I'm waiting for her to get out of the shower so we can watch a movie ... and decided to try to post a quick update.

I am not feeling any better in terms of the weakness, breathing, talking difficulties.  Yuck!  And thanks to research-extraordinaire, Tiffany ... I got some scary news on the side effects I've been having.  Seems my side effects fall under 'severe' and 'seek medical attention right away.'

The latest that happened today is a very tender scalp with sores on it.  Hurts to brush it and blah, blah, blah.

I did call my doctor, but he wasn't too concerned and said the steroids just really did a number and they should run their course out of my system.  Whatev's ...

I had the appointment with my ophthalmologist this afternoon.  He was awesome and Curt is impressed with his thoroughness as well.

Okay, so I have optic neuritis.  As I mentioned, one of the causes can be MS.  That's more likely if there is a lesion present on the brain.  We initially didn't think there was, but now have found a 'small white matter' on the brain.  With the migraines I've been having, I had an MRI done in September and that 'matter' wasn't there for that scan.

Back to the steroids ... I have to take an oral dose over the next nine days.  Given the side effects I'm experiencing, I could opt not to take the full dose.  But given my risk of MS, he thinks I should finished the planned treatment.  Um, yeah ... give me the script!

Plus, you figure 1000mg daily ... injected.  VS. 60mg daily ... orally.  I should be seeing some relief soon, right?

Tonight at my appointment, there was an awful lot of talk of MS and options, and meds and preventative meds and options, and injections, and ... my head is sort of spinning.

I have an appointment with my neurologist on Thursday ... and we'll figure out where to go from here.  I have complete faith in her {not to mention the Lord who put her in my path!}.

I was resting my head tonight as Curt was driving me home from my appointment ... thinking, swirling, reeling from all the information we just absorbed.  Freaking out a little?  Yeah ...

When one of my favorite songs came on, 'Everlasting God' from Chris Tomlin:

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever

Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God

The everlasting God

You do not faint

You won't grow weary

Our God, You reign forever

Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God

The everlasting God

You do not faint

You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak

You comfort those in need

You lift us up on wings like eagles

checking in ...

Blaaaaaah ...

That pretty much sums it up for me.  I'm out of bed quickly to check in on things and then going to rest again.  I'm okay, just completely wiped.

I've been feeling 'funny' since Friday.  Just this wheeziness in my chest and lungs ... pretty much figured it was the steroid taking affect.  Saturday I mentioned it to the nurse when I went in for my treatment.  She couldn't reach my doctor at all, and I said it was fine seeing as I had only two treatments left.

Saturday afternoon, I was with Taylor all day and we ended up being longer than we thought.  Got home just in time to run the girls to a birthday party.  It was great seeing my friends and catching up, but it really took a toll on me.

It's hard to explain, but I just felt weak, like I couldn't breathe, or talk ... anyway ... I called Curt from the car on the way home and told him I needed him to 'take over' when I got home.  I crawled into bed and went to sleep.

By Sunday, I was feeling even worse.  I went in early for my treatment and was asked by the nurse if my heart rate is always so low.  "No, not that I know of," I replied.  Never asking how low it was.

The nurse hooked up the treatment and came back a bit later saying she'd read my chart about the funny chest/lung problems.  She said my heart rate was pretty low and my blood pressure was high, and that I should go to prompt care for an EKG.  I wasn't so sure I wanted to do that, because I was anxious to get to church.  Curt had brought the girls there and they were waiting for me.

I finally gave in, and decided to go to prompt care.  The burning in my chest gave way to anything else I had going on.  Turns out prompt care was closed, so I went over to the emergency room.  I was in the hospital complex for the IV treatments anyway, so it wasn't far.

They did the EKG, my heart rate was about 40.  I'm not sure what my blood pressure came back as, I never asked.  They did some blood work.  Something came back funny from that, so I needed a CT scan.  Was dehydrated, so needed more IV treatments {thank goodness no steroid in that one}.

Finally, all came back okay and I was released.  Thank you Trishie and Craig for keeping me company.  And thank you Curtis for taking such good care of our girls.

I basically crawled back home and into bed.  I can't really describe the feeling, other than I felt sort of 'dead.'  Too weak to do anything.  It hurt to breathe or get a full extension of breath.  I just sort of laid there.

I'm home again today and in bed.  I just feel so weak.  And I promise I'm not complaining!!  I still can't imagine what our brave chemo patients go through, or some of the other terrible things people close to me are facing.  This is just how I feel.

I'm done with the IV steroids and am taking an oral one for a couple of weeks.  I have an appointment with the ophthalmologist tomorrow afternoon and hope to find out more about my eye.  The pain is relatively gone {thank you God!}, but still no improvement in my vision.

Thank you ... a million times, for your prayers, thoughts, notes and calls ... I am blessed.

i'm a two!

gross?

This could be what's bringing me down, ya think?  Two more steroid treatments to go and I get this out tomorrow morning .... can't wait!

{tried to spare you complete grossness by prettying it up with a new border!}

struggling ...

But I won't let it get me down.

I love the verse I posted earlier.  I saw it on a blog yesterday, and glommed onto it as my own!  I had just posted it, when I get an email from a friend with that exact same verse!!!

Okay ... Nellie, I hope you don't mind me calling you out here, but in order to explain the story fully, I kinda need to ...

So Nellie came into my office today to go over some work and asked how I was doing.  Wrong question.  I'm having a down day.  Just getting discouraged.

My vision isn't any better and it's wearing on me.  I have about 10% vision in my left eye {I know I've said this before} and the vision I do have is blurred.  The fortunate thing is that I'm not getting headaches from it!

The pain level is definitely down.  About a four on that whole pain scale {who made that up anyway}.  A four says 'moderate pain,' but has the little bald guy sorta smiling.  Really?

I feel extreme pain when I look severely in any direction with my eyes only.  So I'm starting to compensate when I look in any certain direction.

Anyway, so today it's just got me kind of down.  I'm wondering when I'll get my vision back and am starting to worry about surgery, or whatever.  I don't have any clear answers right now, and won't until my appointment with the specialist on Tuesday afternoon.

So bad timing Nellie.  Or is it?  All I know is ... God works in wondrous ways!  I'm doing my very, very best not to fall under my situation.  I am trying to be a pillar of strength here.  And love the bible verse I posted to help me remember that.

So Nellie leaves my office after listening to my bit about being discouraged.  In the meantime, I posted the bible verse {for myself to remember}.  A few minutes later, Nellie sends me an email that starts out with that very same bible verse!!!

I didn't even read the rest of the note.  I walked over to her desk and asked, "Are you kidding me?"  I asked if she'd read my blog post, and of course she hadn't.  I explained it was the exact same verse.  We cooled our goosebumps and I went back to my desk and finished the rest of her very sweet and encouraging note.  {again, thank you Nellie ...}.

Anyway.  I just wanted to give an update with where I'm at.  I do have some worry in the back of my head.  But in the forefront, I have God {and friends}, telling me He has me in his hands.

I will live for today, and not worry about tomorrow.  For I know who holds my tomorrows.

flowers

Here is the photo that goes with this post.  Thank you so much Amy and Brigitte!  And thank you Heather, and Trish, and mom, and Marta, and everyone!!!

Update:  I don't want to speak too soon, but I think my pain may be diminishing!!  Granted, I'm on pain pills.  But the pain was still there {although minimum}, and now it's almost down to no pain!!

loved + blessed = peace

Could I feel any more loved than I do right now?  Thank you SO much for all the calls, emails, support, prayers and concern!

My sister called earlier and I answered, "Grand Central Station, how can I help you?"  Okay, that's lame ... but Brigitte had just left after dropping by the sweetest, little, candy flower arrangement!  While she was here, I got a flower delivery and a phone call from the doctor's office.

My sister was so sweet to want to help me with the girls tonight, or whatever I needed, but I assured her I'm good and I'll let her know if I need something.  Thank you Buggie!

My cell phone, home phone and email have been going at 100mph ... I promise I'm not complaining!  I'm basking in the love.  Thank you, thank you!

Here's a couple photos, one of the edible arrangement Brigitte made and the other is a flower arrangement from Amy ... my fav's ... freesia!  Thank you both!

And I didn't realize, but my eye-sight is playing havoc with my photo taking abilities, as I look through the lens with my left eye.  I managed okay and took these, but it didn't come very naturally to work with my right eye.

I just got another beautiful flower arrangement from Heather, but I've put my camera away.  Thank you Heather ... I love them!!

And for a little update ... the IV treatment went well this morning.  Sort of bittersweet being there, as it reminded me of all the times I'd gone with Marta {to a different clinic though}.  Being hooked up to the IV, having it beep, needing them to come change the bag, etc.  Guess God was preparing me even then.

So that went well.  But I was in too much pain to go to work and wouldn't have been able to go all day without pain meds, so came home.  It's a good thing I did, as it's been a tad crazy.  {in a good way!}

The pain meds continue to help.  My vision is down to about 10ish percent {at least that's what it feels like ... I'll have a real test next week}, so I still can't see very well.

I have a new ophthalmologist who specializes in optic neuritis.  He and Dr. Purath know each other and I feel completely at ease that I am in good hands here on earth {heehee, couldn't resist!}.

I'll see him next week Tuesday for a slew of tests.  I'll also be staying on an oral steroid for 2 weeks following the IV treatments.  And then I'll see Dr. Purath on Thursday.

I'm feeling weird with the steroid {think 5 espresso shots straight into your veins} and pain pill combo.  The doc said to be prepared, and I quote, for "extreme hunger and also warn your husband of some crabbiness."  Hmmm ....

And um yeah ... about those photos I mentioned?  Blogger is having some issues posting images, so I'll post them later.  The kids are scheduled home any moment and I don't wanna be stressin' about adding photos to a post.  Feel me?  :)

eye-eye update {two}

Whew!  What a day and it's not even 2:00 o'clock!

Had my MRI early this morning ... thank you to everyone who offered to drive me or help with the girls ... how sweet could you all be?  I am blessed.

It took longer than I thought, but I was home by 9:00 to get Hunter ... pick up my mom ... and head to Mayfair for some retail therapy.  We had a good morning, but between my mom's fractured wrist and my gimpy eye, we were quite the sight!

Okay, on to the update ... first I wanted to give a little background ... this whole thing started Wednesday as a weirdish, smallish eye pain.  By Thursday got worse, so I emailed the doctor who's been helping me with my migraines {most awesomest doctor in the world!}.  She said it sounded weird enough to be seen right away.  She was out of town though, so try to get in with an ophthalmologist or my regular doc as soon as I could.

Anyway ... I posted earlier about the rest of the story, only I left out how completely non-urgent the ophthalmologist was treating this.  I didn't hear back Monday morning like I thought I would, so I called the nurse and got, "oh! I was just going to call you on this.  I was able to schedule your MRI on Thursday."  Oh no, no ... Thursday wouldn't do!  I needed to be seen right away.  The pain, the vision loss ... I can't wait til Thursday.

She said she'd check with the doctor and try again.  It was frustrating to me that he wouldn't have put on the notes to schedule it in an urgent way.  Anyway, she called back and got it scheduled for this morning.

In the meantime, my migraine doc {Dr. Traci Purath}, was emailing me asking how I was, what I've found out and when I'd be seeing the ophtho again.  I told her when the MRI was scheduled and that he never scheduled a follow-up appointment, so I wasn't sure how I was going to get results, etc.  She said she would call for the results and let me know right way.

So back to today's update.  I had the MRI this morning and Traci emailed around noon with the results.  I have an inflammation of the optic nerve {optic neuritis} and would need IV steroid treatments as soon as possible.  She assured me there were no tumors, but there were some other things we'd need to discuss, and if I could come see her this afternoon.

We emailed a couple of times, when my mom, ever so smartly, suggested I give her my cell phone number.  Duh!

So Traci called and we talked.  Turns out in 20ish percent of patients, optic neuritis can mean the onset of MS.  Scary?  A little.  Am I freaking out?  Not really ... well, maybe a little.

The really great news is there were no lesions on the brain.  If there were, the chances of developing MS jump to 56%.  Here's a little tid-bit of information I found:

Not everyone who experiences Optic Neuritis Develops MS

Not everyone who has an episode of optic neuritis goes on to develop MS.  Long-term follow-up from the Optic Neuritis Treatment Trial, which involved 388 people with a single episode of optic neuritis, yielded the following:

• The ten-year risk of developing clinically definite MS following a single episode of optic neuritis was 38% for the entire study group; the twelve-year risk was 40%.  Most of those who developed MS did so within the first five years after the initial episode of optic neuritis.
  
• The strongest predictor of MS in the study group was the presence of brain lesions on MRI at the time of the episode of optic neuritis.  Within the study group, patients with at least one brain lesion on MRI at the time of the optic neuritis episode had a 56% risk of developing MS within 10 years, while those with no brain lesions had only a 22% risk of developing MS within 10 years.

While other disease processes can cause optic neuritis, MS is the most likely cause in a young, otherwise healthy individual.

A little scary, right?  The other news is that my vision may not return to 100%.

I have an appointment starting tomorrow and each day through Sunday to go in for IV steroids.  It'll be a pretty high dose, but I should start seeing some relief {I'm so looking forward to that!}.

I am super blessed to have found Dr. Purath.  She's been amazing and has gone above and beyond to help me out and assure me everything will be alright.  She honestly sees no indication on my MRI of MS, she's assured me she's looked at it again and again.  If she saw something, she promises she would've let me know.

I'm scheduling a follow-up appointment with a new ophthalmologist next week at the Eye Clinic at Froedert.  And will see Dr. Purath next week also.

Here's the thing, even though in the back of my head, I have this little nagging fear.  I will not let Satan take a hold of it.  I know God will take care of me.  And the thing is, by taking care of me ... I don't mean that I'll never get MS {even Dr. Purath said this could be a possibility}, because I could very well get it.  But there's a very real possibility that I will never get it.  What I do know ... is that God will take care of me no matter the circumstance.  I trust he has it in His hands.

And ... it says that if it does occur, it could be within 10 years ... and I'm pretty certain I'll be in my heavenly home by then!  :)

{note:  it's literally taken me all day to write this post.  i've been between emails & phone calls with the doctors.  explaining things to curt.  doing some work.  answering phone calls and more emails.  i am officially signing off!}