i believe

I believe the Lord has been speaking to me.  The problem is, I’m not completely sure what he’s telling me.  Evidence in that, is that I have been procrastinating so much on writing this post, that I’m pretty sure my name’s been added to the definition {in the dictionary}!

Because I feel so completely overwhelmed by this, I have been doing everything possible to not write this post.  It’s taken me about 10 separate times to put it together and finish it. Again, mostly because I’m not positive that what Ithink I’m suppose to write, is what I am suppose to write.

Does God speak to you?  And when he does, how do you know it’s from him?  It’s taken me a very long time to listen ... actually, to hear him.  And look at me ... I’m still second guessing this.

Everything that I’ve been running into, and reading, and finding over the last two weeks is leading me to put together a bible study.

There!  It’s out.  And I still don’t believe it.  I’ve been praying, and now I’m crying.  Because I have absolutely no idea how to give a bible study.  Not to mention that little piece about having to talk in front of people.

I’ve only recently started going to bible study myself {about the last two years}, and the woman I listen to is SO anointed by the power of God, that I feel like I would need to follow that footstep/direction.  And I know I would never measure up.

But aren’t we all children of God?  If he is speaking this to me ... and it’s such a big ‘if’ to me right now, because it seems so far-fetched to me ... but if he is telling me to do this, shouldn’t I listen?  Does it matter if I live up to myexpectations {wanting to lead people like the study that I go to}?  No, it’s that I live up to His expectations ... and that starts by being obedient.

I am so afraid of failure.  So afraid of speaking.  So afraid of having nothing to say.  So afraid of the time commitment it would take to put something together.

Oddly enough {well, not really oddly enough, because we are talking God here}, but ... I started reading the gospel of Luke about a week ago {and this is about a full week after God telling me to start paying attention, because he’s preparing me for something}, so I’m reading Luke and get to the part where the angel Gabriel comes to Mary and tells her God has chosen her to become pregnant with the Son of God.  Luke 1:38 says, “I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

The bible I read in the mornings is a life application bible from Joyce Meyer.  She always has little segments called ‘putting the Word to work.’  I’d been struggling with trying to figure out what God is telling me {to spread his Word through bible study} when I read:

Has God ever asked you to do something you never expected to do? No doubt, Mary was very surprised when the angel told her she would give birth to the Son of God.  Mary’s trust in God, and her obedience and cooperation with God’s plans, and purposes, is a great example to follow.  Allow God to work in you as He wants to, and know that all His plans for you are for your good.  When unexpected things happen, keep trusting Him!

And then ... she has this other thing, called ‘speak the Word,’ where she’ll take a verse and put it into ‘today’s’ terms.  So on the next page I read:

Lord, I know that with You, nothing is ever impossible and that no word from You will ever be without power or impossible of fulfillment. {adapted from Luke 1:37}

Then ... today {and last week} at church, I just feel like I’m being spoken to over and over again.  And in bible study today, she says that the Lord is telling her she’s speaking to someone ... and that person needs to carry the Word of God to others.

Then satan comes in and tells me, “who do I think I am, that she would be talking to me?  That God would pick me, out of all the others in the class, as someone she is talking to.” ... I have to be honest ... I’m still struggling with that one.  I have work to do on my own life and my own Christian walk before I can give a message to others.  Right?

Okay, and here’s another thing ... who would even want to come to a bible study from me?  Do I want you to answer that?  I’m not sure yet.

But here’s what I believe:

I believe the Lord is coming back ... soon.

I believe God sent his son to die for our sins.  Take a minute to fully realize what that means.  The Lord sent his only son to hang ... on a cross ... for you and I.  So that we might one day live with him in heaven.  That is a gift that I will gladly rejoice in.

I believe you need to be saved, repented of your sins, and have Jesus Christ living inside of you in order to go to heaven.

I believe being a good person won’t get you to heaven.

I believe I need to share what I know of God’s love with more people that just the people I know are ‘safe’ to talk to, or already have ‘faith.’

I believe there is a Holy Spirit and he is real.  Evident by my Holy Ghost goose bumps all morning in church!

I believe without God, there is no hope.

I believe our children deserve to know the power of God.

I believe no matter how many times I walk away from this post, it’s sitting here when I get back.  And I swear I can feel/hear God giggle when I look at it with dread.

I believe I have NO idea how to run a bible study.  But ...

I believe if this is God’s will, he will see me through it.

So tell me ... this isn’t anything you’d be interested in, is it?  :)